An Important Message to
 Parents, Spouse, Family and Friends.

At this point in time someone you care for has been diagnosed as having a Psychological Eating Disorder. The Question often gets asked how we, as concerned Parents, Family, Spouse and Friends can help? Firstly it is important to accept, that Parents, Family and Spouse are not normally the cause of the Illness but have in some way contributed to the sufferers distorted way of thinking. It is important to realize that you are neither able to cure it, nor control it. However do realize that you play a very important part in contributing and creating an environment for the sufferer to recover in.

Firstly:

• Recognize your own attitude and the amount of focus on your weight, and dieting practices in your family.
• Try not to use food as a socializing agent.
• Recognize that food has a purpose to fulfill hunger.
• If there are Family or Friendship disagreements, try not to argue at the table where food is being eaten. Such negative experiences become associated with eating and then food is thought of as a problem.
• Allow the eating disordered patient to be in charge of their own eating, unless in the case of a minor or if the Psychologist has advised contrary to this.
• Avoid monitoring the food that the person eats, food is not the main issue, but should be regarded as an important issue in the patients health, should the weight become a physiological issue, then consult the patients Medical Team immediately.
• Do not treat the person with a eating disorder like a young child, however do not deny your child SOME parental guidance, do not lecture them, you can do more harm, and always remember that he/she has many adult abilities which they need to develop, and in most cases food and weight is being used as a control method.
• When you speak to a person, speak with compassion and concern, be as descriptive as possible, explain what you see, by describing the persons problematic behaviors, state your observations as in "I" e.g. I am noticing that you are skipping meals. Do NOT use the term "YOU" e.g. You are skipping meals.
• Never expect an immediate recovery, even if the patient is Hospitalized or any form of medication is given, there is NO magic pill that can cure a Psychological Eating Disorder, but it can contribute to helping the patient to overcome the problem.
• Communication with all Medical personnel is important, never interfere or criticize treatment in the presence of the sufferer. Bear in mind, the therapist has the right to withhold personal information when treating a patient, as a parent you have the right to see some form of progress. Progress is determined by the sufferer and her treating team. Progress initially is very slow. Should you wish to consult with the therapist about the sufferers progress, it should be under the terms of the therapist and the patient. The patient should be present at all times. Please respect confidentiality between the sufferer and the therapist as if this is not done it might break the sufferers trust with her therapist.
• Always remember due to frustration and anger which effects parents it is advisable only to contact the Psychologist once you have released some anger.
• Request that the Medical Team re-evaluates its progress to date, it may be time to change the method of treatment. 

To Parents, Relatives and Friends, once the sufferer has shown signs of improvement, do not mention to them that they are looking good or looking so much better, the sufferer will Not take this as a compliment but rather as an insult as they are not happy with their weight gain. Most patients with eating disorders have a very low self esteem, this is part of the illness. Instead mention to them that the sweater they are wearing is beautiful. The important issue here is not to acknowledge any compliment associated with body image.

Parents should take note, that should they find it hard to cope with this illness, they themselves should seek help, always remember by understanding and accepting the illness, then only can you contribute to assisting your loved one to recover, often without assistance Parents and Family members course more discomfort to the sufferer eliminating any contribution to recovery.

Recognize that the person may deny your observations and may be upset, when confronted, do not be discouraged but recognize that you have broken through their psychological defense, the sufferer then becomes frightened, remain calm and show strength, tempers and shouting achieve nothing, wait until all parties have cooled down before any further discussions take place. In recovery there may be relapses, difficult days, and tension may flare up again just like a roller coaster, don't build up hopes, its a long process before any form of actual recovery takes place and most of all remember, there are very few in numbers that don't make it.

Always remember as caring people, there may often be times when you may have doubts as to whether you are doing the right thing, join the online support group for assistance, we have all been through the same.

Remember!
Food and weight is only the symptom of the disorder.
The cause is the underlying feelings of inadequacy that have not been dealt with.

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